Stop trying to be superwoman
This is going to be a different kind of encouragement that I usually do.
My message is mostly you can have it all - just not all at the same time (when it comes to money) but as of late I am seeing more and more clients who are living life way below their highest calling because they are trying to be all things to everyone.
As women we are nurturing in nature which can lead to us being lost in our roles as wife, mother, sister, friend, daughter, entrepreneur....and what is the name of the role for ourselves??? ME!!! Being us feels inadequate even selfish. We make time for everyone but when we finally have time for ourselves we don't even know what to do with it.
Many women who are also high achievers go through what is called as cross generation coalition which happens when there is role reversal in our lives. Basically when we try to mother our parents, grandparents or even perform at a higher capacity than the pay scale that we were originally hired for without the reward and once we wake up gasping for air we feel as it though it has become the expectation from us.
The truth of the matter is that this expectation was created by you. You have not taught people how to treat you. Most importantly you have NOT shown them how to treat you which is just a matter of time before you start to feel resentful, lonely, sad, trapped, broke and even sick.
The only way to really change this situation is to stop trying to be superwoman. Being superwoman is not the way to level up. Vulnerability is the only way to reach your next level. Being vulnerable with those around you and having those tough conversations that this is not what you want out of life and stepping into those roles is capping out your emotional and physical bandwidth. Then give it time for everyone to get accustomed to the new version of you and the new version of themselves too!
Stop, say NO (NO is a complete sentence), let go, and get vulnerable!
And if I can help you trade in your cape for self fulfillment - just reach out!
Watch the FB live I did on this here!
Busy vs Productive
Today the kids were taking their sweet time getting ready and somehow even though they woke up late we made it right on time. We got everything that normally takes us one hour done in under 30 minutes - breakfast included.
There have been times where I have stayed so busy and still did not get much done. There have also been times that I was productive yet did not feel busy at all. According to the book 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins (which I love and recommend to all of my clients), this phenomenon is called Parkinson's Law which basically states that "work expands to fill the amount of time given to it" or in my words it will take as long as you allow it to take.
Some of us keep busy to avoid doing the things that we no longer have the motivation to do. Here is the thing; you don't need motivation and somedays you won't have it but getting into the next level in any area of your life does not require motivation - required discipline. Doing the thing you said you were going to do long after you feel like it.
Here are a couple of tips for being productive and efficient instead of busy:
1. Have a hard stop quitting time (this will make you use your time smarter)
2. Have a "NO" work allowed day (for me is Sundays)
3. Manage your distractions (it is impossible to prevent them but managing them is a must)
4. Work out (it is extremely important to get your body moving to get your mind sharp)
5. Sleep hygiene (sleeping better makes your body better which makes your brain better)
6. Putting shoes on (having shoes on makes you 25% more productive according to a few studies on embodied cognition)
7. Create a 10-minute task list (a list of everything that takes you 10 minutes or less and tackle them when you have little breaks in your day)
Email me at email@example.com and let me know how these tips work out for you!
You are stuck not because you don’t know what to do next.
You are stuck because you are trying to pour from an empty cup.
You are exhausted from all of the decisions, choices and ideas on how making others lives easier.
No wonder you can’t even decide on dinner.
You spend all of your days “coaching” your team, family, friends and there is just not enough bandwidth left for your own projects, dreams or vision.
Then you start resenting everyone around you - you do so much for them - whey can’t they put you first for a change?
When you don’t put yourself first you create a pattern and “they” are simply emulating how you treat yourself.
When you don’t put yourself first you can’t expect anyone else to do it for you
And you can’t be mad at them for it either.
You started this mess!
You might have this wrong belief that putting yourself first is being “selfish” and being selfish is a bad thing.
Being selfish is only a bad thing for the people who benefited from you putting yourself last.
The world doesn’t benefit from you being the worst version of yourself.
No one does.
When you start putting yourself first everything will change.
When you start sleeping at a decent hour, eating decent meals, and working on your dreams your spark will be contagious.
Those who love you will beam from your happiness.
And they will start emulating the right behavior and work on themselves too!
There is nothing more empowering than watching someone chasing their dreams
When YOU decide that you are your best investment EVERYTHING changes!
Isn’t it time for a change?
If you are ready to change your business come join us in The Next Level Academy. We have not officially started but the breakthroughs have (we are next level like that ) If you know any service based entrepreneur do them a favor a forward this email to them! For only $47 per month, they will have weekly business coaching calls in an amazing community to help them soar in business! No long term commitment required!
Click here to join today!
5 Steps to Get Unstuck
If you got here my safe assumption is that you are feeling stuck, unmotivated, overwhelmed just going through the motions of life when life itself seems to have escaped you. Here are 5 tips to get you unstuck when it comes to your goals:
1. Listen to your body
There was a study done demonstrating that our bodies know that danger before our mind realizes what is going on. The same thing happens to love, anxiety and adrenaline. What is your body telling you about this thing (goal)? Are you stuck because you are afraid of success or afraid of failure? Are you stuck because you are looking for external validation?
2. Listen to your heart
What does your heart tell you about this thing (stuckness)? Is your heart not in it? Are you doing it to make money or do you honestly love to serve at this level? Are you doing this just to check off boxes or does it actually spark your light?
3. Step Away
Sometimes we are too emotionally attached to this project to see clearly so getting away from it for a little while and coming back to it can do the trick (even if you have to force it).
4. Step In
Ask a friend that doesn't care about your feelings or someone who loves you enough to tell you the truth for advice. This special friend needs to care more about your results than your feelings so it helps if its someone outside your circle of love. And relentless about it IF it's your passion.
5. Ask for Help
Ask for exactly what you want! Ask the children to do chores, the hubs to pick up dinner (on Tuesdays and Thursdays - you need to be precise), the neighbor to mow the lawn, the teenager next door to babysit! Ask for help - we have this sense of community within us that we love to step in and be someone's hero and at the same time we despise asking for help! The trick here when it comes to the people in your daily life is to ask for exactly what you need and no in general terms. Saying I need more help around here does NOT get your point across. A little script is " I need help with (insert precise help) so that I can (insert one step towards your goal)" Ex: " I need you to do dinner on Wednesdays so that I can work on my business during that time". It takes a village and no one benefits from you dragging this out!
Let me know if you feel stuck - I have been there and have gotten myself and many others out of this funk so that they could let go of frustration and step into their full potential!
Schedule your free discovery call today!
The Lonely High Achieving Road
Everyone wants to be a high achiever! All of us want to get ahead in life but there is a piece of it that is only known to those who have walked those lonely roads. Along the way to high achieving status friends and family no longer "get" us the way they used to - after all its not them - its US! Then we feel like snobs for even thinking that way!
That loneliness is so deep that we cry in the bathtub while sipping on our liquid companion. This was suppose to make us happy! This should be a good thing! Yet the last thing we feel is happy. We feel anxious, guilty, and even taken advantage of but happy is not in the emotional repertoire.
The price of being miles ahead of everyone we know is enormous. Then when you finally "make it" you become their ATM machine, you start resenting them and even worse resenting your prosperity. It was easier before - you were happier before and you weren't so lonely before.
The downside is that once you expand you can no longer fit into that old mold. You have become a new and better version of yourself and the person you became attracted more opportunities, resources and money to you!
Be your best friend, be your best partner, stop compromising and start loving yourself unconditionally - it will just be a matter of time for the world to catch up and start loving you that way too! And all that extra money will just be a nice bonus!
My take on MOMO
Have you ever worked in a place where there was an open door policy but when push comes to shove there was nothing opened about that policy at all?
Have you ever been reprimanded or your privileges taken away because of something that was completely out of control?
I have and it was NOT fun at all.
Before we go any further just know that I’m a mom just like you who makes mistakes daily and just tries very hard to get my kids to eat their veggies and be kind
I was asked a few times this week about my take on momo. My response is simple - we have an open door policy.
I told them what was going on with YouTube and KidsTube and explained to them that the world is an amazing place full of amazing people and there are some people who are not very amazing (aka bad guys) that wanted kids to hurt themselves.
I told them that I trusted them enough to know that if something isn’t right they need to come to me and show me so we can be part of a solution (reporting it).
I did not take it away from them because I can’t take them away from the world. I wish I could.
I don’t want my kids to ever be victimized and I believe in their capacity to be empowered through all the experiences that we go through.
It would not be fair for me to take away something they enjoy because of something completely out of their control.
It would have been an open door policy gone wrong.
So we remain watching electronics for 90 minutes a day because we still believe that the world is indeed a beautiful place.
If you are a mom who felt in your heart to take it away, all the power to you! You know more than anyone else what is BEST for your family!
One of my New Year's resolutions or evolution as I have renamed it is to live more with less! I have found that when I have less I truthfully live more! A few years ago when I had to pack my 4 bedroom house in a 20 x 20 truck I realized how much excess we had as a family. Then moving into a smaller house with less things gave me so much freedom.
Thinking back I was "slaved" to my things. That big house took forever to clean and all of those clothes took forever to wash and the pile of 20 plates and 50 cups did not wash itself or got themselves to the dishwasher/cabinets without some help. So many weekends I spent cleaning and cooking to have a less chaotic week. So many times I said no to people, events, opportunities because I needed to get my stuff in order!
This year my word is "selfish" which is not a bad thing I have learned. This is the year that I will put myself first in all areas of my life. This is the year that my happiness will come from living simply. This year I will de-clutter the house, my business, my circle of friends and most of all my heart.
I have let go of all of the things that no longer serve me to create a "transformational" (Just made up that word) space in and out of my physical space. One of the first things that I did was to say NO and know in my heart that no explanation is necessary. No, I don't feel like it and that is the end of that. I don't have to have a mysterious illness or pretend to be busy. The people worth keeping in my circle understand it very well and the ones that don't I am happy to see them go and grow.
Lots of clients tell me that they want to put their house in order but are emotionally unable to do so. My response is one that I live by: "When our outside is organized the clutter inside of us tend to organize itself". If you feel emotionally unable to organize make yourself do it anyways. Do the flylady method which is 15 minutes at a time (her motto is you can do anything for 15 minutes - check her out at www.flylady.net) or do the KonMari method which is by category (clothes, books, paper, miscellaneous and sentimental - check out her documentary on Netflix - Tidying up with Marie Kondo ) but do it!
You deserve to have the best life -
And the lightest one too!
Here are the 7 things I have learned about forgiveness:
The truth about forgiveness is that is sucks. Plain and simple. Someone has hurt you badly enough that can almost feel like they squeezed your heart with their bare hands and stopped squeezing just so you could live and suffer through it.
A few years ago someone I loved hurt me badly. Very badly. Not only did he hurt me but he also hurt other people that I love. And couple of weeks ago I actually forgave him. Not half-ass forgiveness. Like really, really forgave him. It felt so good and so freeing. Just to turn around and have someone else very close to me hurt me again. My conversation with God went something like this "Are you serious? I just graduated this lesson I don't need to practice this on a weekly basis!"
What I learned about forgiveness is that - it's not all about you! As hard it is to believe that person have their own reasoning for doing what they did. It doesn't make sense - and the more you try to make sense of it the more it is going to hurt - but just know that it has nothing to do a with you.
And then again it's ALL ABOUT YOU! Forgiveness is all about the way you deal with it and it has nothing to do with how sorry they are or that they will never do this again. It is about YOU and YOU alone!
The longer you wait the harder it gets! The more time it passes the more we internalize things and we just add more fuel to the fire. Every little thing that happens we will be adding to the first problem and forgiving just becomes harder.
It involves being vulnerable and vulnerability is never fun. It makes us feel weak and exposed but vulnerability is a major place of growth. Growing pains are real in the physical and emotional whelm.
Forgiving is not forgetting the bible talks about forgiving but it doesn't ask us to forget. A lot of people have the misconception that unless they can forget they cannot forgive and that is not true. You might never forget what happened but you can react and regain the power.
Forgiveness makes you let go of all of your expectations. You forgive to just forgive and let go of the chains of your past without any expectation! After all expectations leads to disappointment!
Click here to watch my coffee chat about forgiveness.
You have goals. You have amazing goals. But you also have a life that seems not to care about your goals - and many times - derail you from it!
Goal setting is so important. Goals are what take us forward in life; they are the oxygen to our dreams.
But the struggle is real. Life doesn’t care that you have a deadline and your plans depend on it to keep the struggles away. You may feel deflated that your goals keep taking a backseat because of your struggle.
You might be struggling with your business
Most people have a hard time setting goals due to:
HOW TO SET GOALS?
If your goal is to make $50k then your quarterly goal is to make $12,500 per quarter which is $3,125 per month.
Also realize that your goals move with you. Always increase at least 10% of your past achievement for your next goal but I dont usually recommend going over 25% - you dont want to set your goals so high that makes them unachievable.
2. FOCUS: List all of your goals on a piece of paper. Now list the things that you will sacrifice in order to achieve those goals. Will you sacrifice your Saturday mornings? Will you sacrifice sleep by getting up an hour earlier? Will you sacrifice a shopping spree to be able to invest in yourself?
Focus is not the target - is everything we say no to in order to get there!
3. Lack of priority (everything is equally important) Everything is important and that is just how it goes. Specially for women because we are so emotionally attached to the outcome that everything has equal importance and we become jack of all trades master of none. After you write down all of your goals write a number by each one of those goals as an order of importance. What is most important? What is that one goal that will impact a bunch of little goals?
Your goal might not be business related but have results in your productivity. Getting the house organized and working out everyday will not get you direct monetary results but it will increase your productivity and therefore increase your bottom line.
4. Consistency (you are not consistent with your goals) In order to get consistent with goal setting you need to break them down even further than monthly. Lets use the $50K a year example is $961.53 ($50K /52 weeks) per week which is $137.36 per day. What daily steps do you need to follow in order to sell $138 dollar daily? Create a daily check list and put somewhere visible and don’t go to bed until it’s done. SIMPLE. But simple does not make it easy. Thinking of what you need to do occupies more emotional space than actually doing them. How many times have you done things that you have been putting off because of how long its going to take - only to get it done in a fraction of the time?
Do a little inner awareness exercise and ask yourself: are you avoiding getting this done because of self sabotage or because of procrastination? Self-sabotage is the fear of failure. Procrastination is due to working better on a deadline because you know it will get done. Both of those have the same consequences; lack of consistency, stress, etc but they steam from different places. Consistency will beat both of these challenges by setting systems in place to get things done, even when you have a headache, a sick child or just don’t feel like it.
5. Accountability (who is really checking on those goals?) You need an accountability partner - but this person cannot be a spouse or a friend - this person has to care more about your success than your feelings. This is one of the main reasons I started coaching clients on their businesses and became a vision to action coach. Who is that person that is so invested in your vision to make it into action? All of us have challenges, but those challenges is what is going to give you grit to get to your end result. Those challenges are the distraction to your destination. They can be a delay or a detour but not a PLAN B.
Sign up for a mastermind group, get in touch with a someone in your industry and meet once a week to establish your goals. We are entrepreneurs because we don’t want anyone to answer to - but this blessing can also be a curse because we do need accountability! So sign up for that mastermind, meet with that friend, or hire that coach to get you to the next level!!!
Why am I doing all the right things and life is getting worse instead of better?
Because there is a always a breakdown before your breakthrough.
You know the feeling, you are working on your marriage and it seems that even the smallest things is a reason for an explosive fight. Or you are working on your business and it seems that the little money you had coming in is now going to unexpected expenses. Even at your job, you are doing all the right things and yet somehow you always get the short stick.
Now, it is NOT the time to give up.
It is time to fine tune your plan.
Every time you develop yourself into your full potential you will be tested. You will be tested within yourself and within your circumstances and that is when most of us just say "forget it" and go back to the same old habits that we were trying to change.
Those set backs are there to prepare you for your come back!
Don't let this test be a distraction to your final destination - this is just your breakdown to fine tune your plans to reach your breakthrough!
I love sharing many of my beliefs, thoughts and at times unpopular opinions.