Last week I saw a client in my bathing suit.
I have debated invoicing her for this, since I normally don't charge people to see me in my bathing suit. =)
Honestly, I even hesitated to take a coaching call at the pool. But, wasn't the working from anywhere what attracted me to work virtually?
I faced my fears and all my insecurities took her call while watching my children play in the pool (they are great swimmers by the way), eyes on them and my heart on her. Then I noticed this one couple starting at me. They were pointing and clearly talking about me. My mind went there. I could feel the judgment. Were they judging my appearance? After two kids and my love of pizza things are not like they used to be. Were they judging me for being on the phone while my children play? Were they judging that I was not "present"?
I finished the coaching call and got my children out of the pool so we could go for lunch. The couple complemented me in my bathing suit and I felt the judgment rolling off my shoulder as it should have.
I was doing exactly what I tell my clients not to do. I was assuming, projecting my own insecurities as a mom to this situation and feeling the famous mom guilt for not being in the moment.
Truthfully, I didn't want to be in the moment. I wanted to work. I wanted to serve my client in my bathing because that is what I love doing. Even if mega million comes in my favor I will still coach! But the mom guilt is still there, poking its head and it gets a chance.
I reminded myself that I had just spent a week being "present" and in the moment with my children: playing billiard, power hockey, swimming, and watching movies. I have been present when they are sick, when they are having bad days and even when they are having great days - but what I am giving them is much more precious than being present, I am giving them a happy mom!
Your children don't care about your work or your cellulite - they want for you is the same you want for them - a happy heart!
I often hear this when working with couples. The truth is when they look for help their relationship has already deteriorated and the only light they see it "out".
Love is a decision and not a feeling. Love is working, changing, making it better and eventually more passionate.
Here are some tips on how to get your passion wheels turning again:
❣️ Turn yourself into a passionate being in everything you do!
❣️ Go on weekly date nights minus the kiddos
❣️ Try new things together: a new hobby, restaurant or town
❣️ Be adventurous in the bedroom - try new things often
❣️ Flirt, send sexy messages, get those sparks going again
❣️ Kiss passionately - pretend you are a movie star
❣️ Dress up for each other
❣️ Also dress down, Pijamas days are the best days!
❣️ Eliminate the stressors in your routine
❣️ Start each day with gratitude for that other person
If you would like more help please reach out. I have helped many couples in similar situations ❣️
I often hear clients say how mad they are over a situation - their financial life, their relationships or their job. Getting mad is a very raw emotion and emotions are what drives us.
The problem is many of us let is stop there.
Get mad to get ahead!
Get so mad that you are laser-focused on changing whatever it is that you are mad about! Be so mad that you can no longer stand debt and you will take any side hustle to pay everything you owe. Be so mad that you will no longer stand that relationship that is completely unfulfilling or that friendship that keeps taking advantage of you.
Be mad enough to sharpen your skills to make yourself more marketable in the workplace so you don't have to retire in that place you hate.
Get real mad, mad enough to get ahead!
And in case you are mad enough that you would like to be coached through this let me know =)
Photo by Gage Walker on Unsplash
Keep the fights clean and ... you know the rest. Truth is our significant other always gets the blunt of it - or we do! We are taught many things but fighting right isn’t one of them. Some of us have bad or even explosive tempers - but if you wouldn’t talk to your boss that way you shouldn’t talk to your spouse that way!
What happens is that some believe that their temper is out of their control - but if we can control it outside the home we can train ourselves to control it with the people we love.
Most marriages don’t fail because of the big things even though lots do - they fail because of the little things happening over and over again.
My professional advice is the same for your marriage or with your money: be proactive instead of reactive.
Deal with the little issues and deal with it once and for all - don’t just put it under the rug and wait for a bad day to bring it out in the open.
Now the inside scoop is that these tips only work when we work it.
But when you do fight - do it right - and here are 7 tips to help you:
-💡Keep your voice and your emotions in check - fight rationally not emotionally
- 💡Have a key word such as “time out” so you either one of you is stepping into ugly territory you can remind each other and take a breather
- 💡Do the mirror trick: imagine a big mirror in front of you while fighting - this little trick tends to keep things clean
- 💡Always argue as your children are there and even if they are show them that people don’t always agree and how to disagree
- 💡Do the pick 3 exercise with the common issues you argue about - pick 3 things in that subject that you will agree on - if it’s money fights you will 1)agree to check with each other above a dollar amount 2) agree that everyone will try to save 3)agree on 1 short term goal if its children agree on 1) bedtime 2) punishments 3) chores and let everything else go
- 💡Try to fight out of the house and specifically out of the bedroom (we tend to keep it civil in public places)
- 💡Allow each other space to be mad and teach each other what to do when those days happen. When we are having bad days take out for dinner and Netflix might just be the recipe for those days not to turn into weeks.
This isn’t easy - let’s not pretend it is - you will forget things and fall off the wagon - just jump back on and try to do better than last time -your relationship is worthy!
If I can help you better your relationships don’t hesitate to reach out 😉
I love sharing many of my beliefs, thoughts and at times unpopular opinions.